Shoulder to shoulder, we lay next to one another. Eyes closed, a scarf, shirt, hat or something such as this, rests gently atop them. We are a sea of bodies, so close that it cannot be denied that the energy from the air I breathe (in and out) is not just my own. Through the mouth, we breathe into the abdomen, and now again through the mouth, we breathe into the chest. Through the mouth, we exhale. For seven minutes, we breathe like this. A two-part inhale through the mouth, a full cleansing exhale from the mouth. I worry that my mouth will dry out so much so that breathing itself will become difficult. This does not happen. Together, we breathe for seven minutes, just like this. Inhale, inhale, exhale. After seven minutes -- Inhale and hold for one minute - really, hold - no air slips in or out. One minute is up - together, we exhale deeply. The room fills with vibrational energy and complete release: moans, cries, laughter and deep breath energy consume the space we are in.
Here I am - I am here, going nowhere, but further into my body and further still into my Being.
Breathe Emily, you are not alone. You can do this. Breathe and Be. ૐ Be and Breathe.
We are led now into round 2: Inhale, inhale, exhale - as before, all through the mouth. I begin to hyperventilate. I can no longer resist what rises up. My exhales become stronger. My hands feel numb. The room fills with the sounds of laughter, not just soft giggles, but also manic sounding releases of laughter - joy filled, pain filled releases of emotion. My eyes well up with tears, oh no, it is happening to me too, (I think). Shit (I again think) here I go... as I begin to tap into pain, that I buried deep, pain that I worked hard to "pretend" did not exist. - I knew it was there, right below the surface. Inhale, inhale - exhale. ૐ Inhale, inhale, exhale. ૐ Inhale, inhale, exhale... and so the breath continues, the air in the room is alive and heavy, not in a way of sadness, but with the great weight of raw emotion from all whom I am breathing with and alongside: Inhale, inhale - exhale.
I strive to regain control over my physical body, as it begins to tremble with the spark of pain that rises up. I move my fingers, but they curl back up as they were. I no longer cry softly, for now I am feeling it all - the true depth of the pain I attempted to bury and it hurts. Hurts, is an understatement, as it tears at my Soul, it (the truth of the buried pain) is literally heart wrenching.
And, I ... I keep breathing. Inhale, inhale - exhale. Inhale, inhale - exhale. And so it goes...
How great can the pain get? Will I come back into my body? ... I feel as though I am leaving it, the breath carrying my Spirit away with it for a moment - so I may feel and ... actually Be - broken open, raw, exposed and in the moment, feeling - completely undone. Now, my tears come with great force, as I sob - with the strength of all that I am behind them. And it is in this moment, that a hand falls upon mine. A hand of one that is part of my Bhakti family, he takes my hand in his, at first because there is no where else for his hand to hall, as the hall is so crowded. It takes only a split second for him to realize and experience the depth of the emotions that I am moving through and releasing. I say a silent prayer for him, a dear friend and in this moment, my Grounding Angel, through my tears, as I - Inhale, inhale -exhale. I feel worry enter my Being, as I wonder if all that I am working through is too great for another to also experience. I have no choice but to succumb to the moment though, as I am and so I continue to breathe, my physical body continues to tremble softly, and I, I cry... I breathe in shared breathe, as I breathe out I add my journey to the energy of the air we all breathe. I feel my hand in his hand. I take his hand in mine. The physical connection grounds me, bringing me back to the room, the space I am in. Hand in hand, I am reminded that I and we, never have to move through anything alone. Seven minutes is up. Together, we inhale - deep breath in. And we hold. No air slips in and no air slips out - One minute is up - Together, we exhale, my tears soften. My body feels heavy and the ground below supports me, as I submit to the energy of all that is within and around me. Round 3: begins.
Inhale, inhale - exhale. Inhale, inhale - exhale. Inhale, inhale - exhale. Through the mouth, still we breathe. Shoulder to shoulder, we lie. Hand in his hand, I remain steady on the course - my body again begins to softly tremble. I whisper on the exhale - "I am OK", reassuring myself in general, but also voicing a promise to Self to continue on the way of the breath. The tears come again, this time mixed with moments of laughter. I feel as though my sanity may be lost for a moment with the intensity of the breath. I know this to not be the case. What is taking place is a raw and honest expression of emotion and of my Self. Inhale, inhale - exhale. I continue to hold tight to the hand of my friend, knowing very well that a transfer of energy is underway now. That I really am not alone in this experience. I pray again that it is not too much for him to bear, but trust in my Self and his strength - that together, it is just enough to take on. Inhale, inhale - exhale. Laughter comes now. The pain, I let myself experience it and see past it - I am not just a Being with pain, this I knew, but now I feel it - I Am Beautiful. I breathe out this beauty for all those around me to breathe in. I pray that he, (my Grounding Angel), senses this shift, the recognition of Self that I just experienced. Beauty, from deep within, pulsing through our physical bodies and out into the world - Beauty of the soul - Beauty, that is you - Beauty, that is me. Inhale, inhale - exhale. Awwwwww - Together, We Breathe.
Inhale, inhale - exhale.
The slight tremor of my body steadies. I breathe into my Self, both at the Soul and physical level. I come back to my body. My pain it is not forever gone, but it no longer resides within me, as it did before. It cannot and does not consume a buried part of my Self, for there is no longer a part of me that is buried. I am here, centered within my Self, breathing into my light and my shadow and breathing it back out in the world. Inhaling, I am love -- Exhaling, I am love for the world.
For those interested in learning more about the experience I had and how you too, through the power of the breath, can come to know yourself in ways a new - check out the work of Michael Brian Baker. I was blessed with the opportunity to take his breath workshop at Bhakti Fest West 2017 this September. Had I known what I was getting myself into - I may not have entered the workshop, but I will be forever thankful that I did. ૐ
A spiritual being on a physical journey, striving to make a positive impact on this world through my actions and loving intention. I believe that we are all capable of greatness, it is how we channel this great energy that matters... I choose to express it in the name of -- peace and love.