You are not alone. Sometimes my writing serves as a reminder to my Self. The words coming to life on the screen as I type, reminding me of the truth that I share with you. How can it be, that anyone is ever alone? Regardless of your religious beliefs, where perhaps you do not believe in a higher power, you are not alone.
So, even if you do not (believe in a higher power) - take a deep breath in now. Hold it, feel it. Now, let it go - exhaling fully. We breathe shared air. You breathe in air that another has exhaled back out into the world. The plants around us, breathing in and out into the universe, as well. The air that gives us life, is shared - so you are never alone. I am with you as you are with me.
Now, look up. Today, here in Massachusetts the air is crisp and the sweet smell of autumn is upon us. The rainbow that spans the sky after a rain storm is now painted upon the leaves, as they begin to make their descent towards the ground below. The sun shining bright, its warmth not felt as strongly today as days before, but so it is with the transition of seasons. Looking up, what do you see?
That which is beyond us, greater than than us - we share it. The sun I see - it is the one above you too. Perhaps, it is covered by clouds today or perhaps you are looking up to the vastness of the night sky... And then there do you see it?! - The moon. We share that too. It effects the waters' tides here as it does where you are. It transitions through the phases, allowing more stars to become visible or not to the human eye. And it reminds us that we are not alone -- You are not alone.
Time spent alone with one Self is just what is needed sometimes though. A breath away from the rush of everyday life, from the chaotic heartbeat of society. Even in this space though, the Love that you are - that we all are in our truest essence, surrounds you and is with you. In this way, yet again you are not truly alone. For you are loved and you are Love.
Earlier this week, I went for a hike alone. I brought no one along with me and aside from a few other hikers that I passed along the way, I was walking the trail alone. I needed this, time to myself, time to be with my own thoughts and more importantly, time to connect again with the words of my heart and teachings of my Soul. I go to nature for this. It is in nature, that even if I do not move through a traditional yoga asana practice that I can effortlessly connect with my yoga.
You cannot do yoga. Yoga is your natural state. What you can do are yoga exercises, which may reveal to you where you are resisting your natural state - Sharon Gannon.
You see, the depth of the yoga practice extends far beyond the yoga mat or the yoga studio, as it is a practice that resides within you. It is you. In nature with the only sounds around being that of my feet upon the Earth, the animals scurrying through the fallen leaves, the wind rustling the branches of the trees, and my breath - carrying me on my way - I am immediately brought to my yoga. And so there I walk, I hike, alone and yet with all. My mind calms its chatter and my heart begins to lead the way. As my breath deepens, my Soul shines brighter and I surrender to the beauty within me and the beauty I know to be within each of us. I trust that with the Universe residing within me - I am capable and worthy of all that is to come. I find myself humbled, in awe of all that is around me - true natural beauty, that which unfolds without concern or judgement. I am reminded of the words of Lao Tzu here:
Nature does not hurry and yet everything is accomplished.
And I take another step forward. Wherever I am in my journey is where I am meant to be. There is something here for me to experience and to learn. I am not alone. With that, I take another breath in and another step forward. I smile and my heart shines, as I delight in the truth that we are connected, as beings of Love, spiritual beings on a physical journey, together. What a miracle it is, to be alive; to be in the here and now. Moving forward, standing still, resting, running, breathing all along. On a journey, all our own and yet connected just the same.
As always, thank you for reading. With peace, love and light - namaste.
This is how it is in this world, the oceans "divide" the continents... the separation providing opportunity for great difference in society to arise. What if this is an illusion?!... The oceans connect the continents and us, one to another. The water provides, that which we are, (as we are made of water) -- the ocean is in each of us. Our attention has been focusing on the difference among us, individuality made to be the goal. Imagine how peaceful it would be if we changed that? If our attention focused on the similarity among us. What if? ...
What if we are not actually that different?
What if I am you and you are me?
We breathe the same air.
You are a radiant being of light.
And you also have a shadow.
I am a radiant being of light.
I too have a shadow.
We laugh, we cry, we struggle to understand hate.
We have been wounded.
And we have been the cause of others wounds.
We wish to be loved.
We are more similar than different.
In fact -- We are One.
Look into the eyes of another and see your reflection.
The beauty that resides within you, resides within the other.
I am you and you are me.
The universe is within you and it is within me.
We are more physically connected now than ever before... on Tuesday morning, I woke up in Germany and on that very same night, I fell asleep in Massachusetts, USA. Oceans apart, how can it be? Travel and focusing on difference would make that appear so. But when I close my eyes: I feel my heart beat and the heart beat of all those I hold dear, I hear the laughter of my friend's son who I met in Berlin, Germany during my travels, I feel his loving kiss on my cheek, I hear the energized conversation moving around me as my family and I sit down to a Saturday breakfast, many conversations taking place at one time and I am too tired to focus well enough on any one to understand what is being said, so I understand a word here and there, as my mind is translating all the words I can pick up: German to English, English to German. More alike than different. I can smell the sweet autumn rain as it tickles the ground upon which I stand. Keeping my eyes closed, I am brought right back to the club: the beat of the music pulsing through my veins, I am too tired to keep dancing the night, now turned morning away, but the music holds me, moves me and I am swept away in the dance. I feel the loving embrace of my cousin as I hug them goodbye, wishing already that I could see them again sooner than able - knowing too that I can, I just need to close my eyes, to listen to my heartbeat, to take a deep breath and remember they are doing the same.
I close my eyes and I am back where I just came from, the ocean no longer separating me from another land, instead the ocean connects me - like the water that flows through my body, helping to keep all connected.
I carry all my travels with me and am not separate, but connected to all, as the energy of those I love resides within me and my love for them may be experienced with a breath or a pause - by remembering that my love is within them.
The physical distance of my journey speaks to me now, as my body is very tired, still thinking that it is six hours ahead of where I am now... so, perhaps tonight's musing was a bit discombobulated, but just remember the next time you feel alone - take a deep breath in, you are breathing in the energy of another, the loving energy that is the heartbeat of the Earth. You are not alone. We are on this journey together.
Peace, love and light, always.
Shoulder to shoulder, we lay next to one another. Eyes closed, a scarf, shirt, hat or something such as this, rests gently atop them. We are a sea of bodies, so close that it cannot be denied that the energy from the air I breathe (in and out) is not just my own. Through the mouth, we breathe into the abdomen, and now again through the mouth, we breathe into the chest. Through the mouth, we exhale. For seven minutes, we breathe like this. A two-part inhale through the mouth, a full cleansing exhale from the mouth. I worry that my mouth will dry out so much so that breathing itself will become difficult. This does not happen. Together, we breathe for seven minutes, just like this. Inhale, inhale, exhale. After seven minutes -- Inhale and hold for one minute - really, hold - no air slips in or out. One minute is up - together, we exhale deeply. The room fills with vibrational energy and complete release: moans, cries, laughter and deep breath energy consume the space we are in.
Here I am - I am here, going nowhere, but further into my body and further still into my Being.
Breathe Emily, you are not alone. You can do this. Breathe and Be. ૐ Be and Breathe.
We are led now into round 2: Inhale, inhale, exhale - as before, all through the mouth. I begin to hyperventilate. I can no longer resist what rises up. My exhales become stronger. My hands feel numb. The room fills with the sounds of laughter, not just soft giggles, but also manic sounding releases of laughter - joy filled, pain filled releases of emotion. My eyes well up with tears, oh no, it is happening to me too, (I think). Shit (I again think) here I go... as I begin to tap into pain, that I buried deep, pain that I worked hard to "pretend" did not exist. - I knew it was there, right below the surface. Inhale, inhale - exhale. ૐ Inhale, inhale, exhale. ૐ Inhale, inhale, exhale... and so the breath continues, the air in the room is alive and heavy, not in a way of sadness, but with the great weight of raw emotion from all whom I am breathing with and alongside: Inhale, inhale - exhale.
I strive to regain control over my physical body, as it begins to tremble with the spark of pain that rises up. I move my fingers, but they curl back up as they were. I no longer cry softly, for now I am feeling it all - the true depth of the pain I attempted to bury and it hurts. Hurts, is an understatement, as it tears at my Soul, it (the truth of the buried pain) is literally heart wrenching.
And, I ... I keep breathing. Inhale, inhale - exhale. Inhale, inhale - exhale. And so it goes...
How great can the pain get? Will I come back into my body? ... I feel as though I am leaving it, the breath carrying my Spirit away with it for a moment - so I may feel and ... actually Be - broken open, raw, exposed and in the moment, feeling - completely undone. Now, my tears come with great force, as I sob - with the strength of all that I am behind them. And it is in this moment, that a hand falls upon mine. A hand of one that is part of my Bhakti family, he takes my hand in his, at first because there is no where else for his hand to hall, as the hall is so crowded. It takes only a split second for him to realize and experience the depth of the emotions that I am moving through and releasing. I say a silent prayer for him, a dear friend and in this moment, my Grounding Angel, through my tears, as I - Inhale, inhale -exhale. I feel worry enter my Being, as I wonder if all that I am working through is too great for another to also experience. I have no choice but to succumb to the moment though, as I am and so I continue to breathe, my physical body continues to tremble softly, and I, I cry... I breathe in shared breathe, as I breathe out I add my journey to the energy of the air we all breathe. I feel my hand in his hand. I take his hand in mine. The physical connection grounds me, bringing me back to the room, the space I am in. Hand in hand, I am reminded that I and we, never have to move through anything alone. Seven minutes is up. Together, we inhale - deep breath in. And we hold. No air slips in and no air slips out - One minute is up - Together, we exhale, my tears soften. My body feels heavy and the ground below supports me, as I submit to the energy of all that is within and around me. Round 3: begins.
Inhale, inhale - exhale. Inhale, inhale - exhale. Inhale, inhale - exhale. Through the mouth, still we breathe. Shoulder to shoulder, we lie. Hand in his hand, I remain steady on the course - my body again begins to softly tremble. I whisper on the exhale - "I am OK", reassuring myself in general, but also voicing a promise to Self to continue on the way of the breath. The tears come again, this time mixed with moments of laughter. I feel as though my sanity may be lost for a moment with the intensity of the breath. I know this to not be the case. What is taking place is a raw and honest expression of emotion and of my Self. Inhale, inhale - exhale. I continue to hold tight to the hand of my friend, knowing very well that a transfer of energy is underway now. That I really am not alone in this experience. I pray again that it is not too much for him to bear, but trust in my Self and his strength - that together, it is just enough to take on. Inhale, inhale - exhale. Laughter comes now. The pain, I let myself experience it and see past it - I am not just a Being with pain, this I knew, but now I feel it - I Am Beautiful. I breathe out this beauty for all those around me to breathe in. I pray that he, (my Grounding Angel), senses this shift, the recognition of Self that I just experienced. Beauty, from deep within, pulsing through our physical bodies and out into the world - Beauty of the soul - Beauty, that is you - Beauty, that is me. Inhale, inhale - exhale. Awwwwww - Together, We Breathe.
Inhale, inhale - exhale.
The slight tremor of my body steadies. I breathe into my Self, both at the Soul and physical level. I come back to my body. My pain it is not forever gone, but it no longer resides within me, as it did before. It cannot and does not consume a buried part of my Self, for there is no longer a part of me that is buried. I am here, centered within my Self, breathing into my light and my shadow and breathing it back out in the world. Inhaling, I am love -- Exhaling, I am love for the world.
You are - Whole, Complete and Perfect.
Come open and raw -- ready to surrender to your Self. Come happy and at peace -- ready to surrender to the Self. When I began practicing yoga just over ten years ago I remember thinking - "this time on the mat - this is my hour or hour and a half - to escape from myself and the stressors on my mind". Sounds freeing doesn't it? -- It wasn't. The more I resisted myself and the emotions that came forth, the harder the practice was. I physically stood and moved on the mat, but I was not there with my body. My body and spirit were separate, when they are in fact One. So I came to breathe more while on the mat ... inhaling and exhaling, one breath - one movement. With each breath I became one step closer to being with my Self and in my Self.
I begin practices that I lead with a reminder, an invitation to come into the breath... to come into the experience of the breath as it moves through your body and out into the world around you and again through the body and back out into the world. I used to also invite those on the mat to leave the stressors that they came to the mat with at the door. I no longer do that - Bring them with you, as crazy as it sounds you will be able to work through them and they will be less upon leaving instead of having them, just as many as you came to the mat with, there ready and waiting for you to pick back on up on your way out the door... "oh, hey peaceful Being - you left us to here to stress you out again upon your return to the outside world ;)" ... to this I say, no thank you! Our yoga does not end when we leave the mat. In fact, it is only there that it truly begins. We move through asanas on the mat, we connect with ourselves, yet again, deeply and truly on the mat and then we carry this energy with us, if we commit to its radiance - off the mat and into the world. Leaving stresses at the door is not a bad concept (though), in fact it makes a lot sense, still to me - leave the "stress" of your shopping list, your worry over your outfit, leave the stress of the superficial constructs of society at the door and simply, leave them there - there is, no reason to pick them back up.
But do - come to the mat with your pain, your sorrow, your concerns, your happiness, your love, your peace, your delight, your exhaustion... Come as you are. Breathe into the energy of your Self and breathe it out into the world around you. Breathe in love for your Self, forgiveness for your Self and breathe it out into the world around you.
Let the breath be your meditation.
Let your surrender to Self be your greatest gift.
Many a person has said to me, "well I would love to come to a yoga class Emily, but I am not flexible enough, I am not fit enough" ... I am not... when you all ARE - whole, complete and perfect. Are you breathing? - Then, come to the mat. When you come, all I request of you is that you breathe. You do not even have to do it, as instructed - one breath, one movement, but you do have to breathe. Now, take it a step further - you can do this right now, sitting on the couch, in bed, wherever you are - as you read this... notice your breath, feel its journey as it moves in through your nose, down your body and out into the world again. How does it feel to tune into the breath, as it courses through your Being, how does it feel as it journeys out and around you again!? ... to me, it feels like - life anew. Each breath, a new moment, each breath, permission to love myself stronger. Each breath, a gift.
Come to the mat - laugh, cry, breathe, move, or remain still - Come, as you are.
Peace, Love and Light, always.
Have you ever walked along a shoreline, only to have your footprints washed away? That is what Alzheimer's is like. The waves erase the marks we leave behind, all the sand castles. Some days are better than others - Pat Summit
To experience a loved one drift away, their cognition seeming to leave their bodies, can be painful and confusing. We long for answers and ways to ensure that this does not happen to us. We wish to be able to provide greater comfort to the ones we love when a moment of clarity, clouded with confusion comes around. Physically, the person we know stands before us, but emotionally and mentally, it is may not be the same. Many a moment is shared with a man I love dearly, my Pepe, where I see him sitting or standing there as a physical being, but I no longer feel the centered strength that came from his quiet, loving energy. During visits, as I look into his eyes, I see at times, only a shell of the man I know. When I see him look into the eyes of Mimi, his wife and my strong, loving and sassy grandmother - he is there once more. He sees her and in turn he sees himself once again. It is a beautiful moment to experience. Whether or not he remembers who I am he likes to take my hand and really the hand of any woman, as he walks down the halls of where he lives. Memory in tact or not, he continues to radiate love and wishes to help all those around him.
When moments of clarity (clouded by confusion) come, I so wish to hug him and tell him that all is OK, but who am I to say that and will he understand what I am saying?... I do not know that it matters. For, in those moments, if I am able, I simply take his hand without talking and he holds on tightly. Without words we communicate more often now than with and it is these cherished moments of silence that I hold onto with all my heart.
I recently had a very dear friend of mine reach out as he struggled to understand how something such as Alzheimer's could make any sense. In his sharing of time spent with an individual who has Alzheimer's he wondered - "how are we to learn anything from life when our mind is fading?" - Perhaps, we are not. Perhaps we are here to experience and to learn in the very moment that we have now and with the next moment, well who knows what it will bring.
I struggled for months to come to an understanding of this disease and why it "takes the mind and memories" from someone I love dearly and who has done such wonders in his life. Truth be told I have come up with little understanding when I work to find meaning (in this way). I have surrendered to the energy of love yet again here, as I have found myself believing this ...
We come full circle in this body sometimes (I understand that not all do) - so we begin life dependent and end that way ... where we must surrender this vessel, our body, to the care of others (around us), as our soul prepares for its next journey ... for the next vessel it will inhabit.
I do not expect all to share in my understanding. On a spiritual level, it just makes sense to me, that our Soul may be ready to begin writing another story before our body is ready to put an end to this one. It is not an easy journey (always) for the one moving through the experience or for those who dearly love that individual.
John - is the name of my dad, the man on the left in the above photo, Pepe is to his right. My dad, John is one of a very few people whose name is still always remembered by Pepe. It is heartwarming to see his eyes light up, as he recognizes one he loves by his side. - He, Pepe, is this way with Mimi too and every moment I get to spend together with them both is nothing short of a great gift of love.
May we be Beings of Love. May we surrender to our own love and light from within and that which is around us, always. Wishes of love and peace to all.
We must come to know and embrace our shadow, as well as our light if we wish to live in peace with our Being. It is from the darkness that the light comes forth. As I stood in this pose, I smiled - both inwardly and outwardly - at how easily my balance came in that moment, as I knew it to be a direct outward reflection of how I feel ... centered and centered in a way that I have not felt in many a year. I used to try to hide my shadow from the view of others (yes), but moreso from my sight. Doing so provided space and time for all that my shadow held to build up unresolved within me, until it manifested itself outwardly in ways that did not bring me peace and brought sadness and pain to my understanding of self and me. Coming to know and love my shadow has not been easy, but the most rewarding destinations come with some of the most challenging journeys beforehand. It has been and continues to be a journey of great self discovery, self love, forgiveness of self and others, working through pain, and coming to love not only my light but my shadow and with that - coming to know and cherish the incredible gift that is true: self love, soul love. The journey is not over, our shadow and our light remain with us, in all ways, throughout all the days. This is not to frighten us or make us feel less than another. How can it?... when we (our soul) are reflected in the other (their soul). It is a daily journey of self embrace, incredible love for both the shadow and the light - let it ground you, guide you, and fill you with hope anew. 💞
Unless you learn to face your own shadows,
I attended an extremely moving yoga class led by the radiant Sianna Sherman while at Bhakti Fest West 2017 (at Joshua Tree Retreat Center in California). The class was titled "Alchemy of the Heart" - together we created a living mandala, as we chanted a mantra together - in motion ... beginning shoulder to shoulder in a circle that completed outlined the entirety of the room we were in. Shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand, connected - we began to move in a circle towards the center of the room, creating smaller and smaller circles in motion (of people) within the larger one, the chants continuing created a vortex of loving prayer that filled the space we were in and then were being sent out into the world. As the last members of the outer circle found their way inward, those on the inside moved back out again, until we all returned, as we began - a circle of Beings, shoulder to shoulder - hand in hand - chanting and sharing in the energy of love - (outlining the entirety of the room we were in) . It was one of the most moving ways to begin a yoga practice and to be in space with others that I have ever experienced.
The asana practice closed with some partner poses and inner work with another. I found myself partnered with another I had never seen before this shared time on the mat together. Together we supported each other and experienced each others radiance in the practice. We all sat in our vulnerability together and whether we wanted to or not, we both displayed raw emotion. How did this come to be?... well, it came about through the simple, yet moving practice of complete recognition of the soul of another - we were instructed to look into each other's eye - to not say a word, but to sit across from another, maintaining eye contact for five minutes. Five minutes in the grand scheme of things is no time at all. When you sit in this way with another though, five minutes can feel like one's entire lifetime. This is because we see ourselves reflected in others. We feel that others see our deepest pain expressed through our eyes. It is true -- our eyes speak volumes, they speak even when our mouths do not. How often though do we take time to listen to the stories told through the eyes? ... not very ... so we can pretend the stories are not there, we can work to ignore our shadow and only display our light. When we look deep into the eyes of another - we experience and we see not only our light, but also our shadow and they in turn (experience and see theirs) the same.
On this day, in this sacred space at Joshua Tree - I sat there - vulnerable, my emotions raw, my heart full of love and moving through the tough (but beautiful) work of healing from past trauma and of coming to love my shadow (as well as my light). I sat there, legs crossed - knee to knee across from the beautiful woman I was partnered with. I looked into her eyes and felt even before vulnerable and exposed than I already was feeling. I felt the urge to avert my gaze, but resisted, as I knew this was an experience that I did not want to turn away from. Tears came to my eyes, as I saw incredible unending beauty and love in hers. I saw strength maintained through hardship, I saw discomfort and peace, and love, but most of all in that moment - I saw and was overcome with emotion by the great beauty that I saw reflected back and looking back at me through her eyes. As the tears rose up and moved down my cheeks, I saw that too began to cry and I so longed to hug her, filling the space between us with connection - both energetic and physical. I felt great love in that moment. Five minutes ended. We now could speak to our partner. For a moment, she and I did not speak, we wiped our tears away, smiled at each other, bowed in honor of the other and held each other in a loving embrace. Then she spoke. -- She said, "You saw my pain and how great it is. That is why you were crying and so I could not help but cry. It caused me great sadness in the moment to experience my pain and to know that you saw it, too." - I took her hands in mine, I held them tight. Then I said in return, "that is not why the tears came. I cried because I saw your beauty and I felt overcome with great love. I cried because I saw my own pain reflected back at me and I knew I wanted to continue embracing my shadow (my pain in this moment) even if the journey is not an easy one to be on." To this, she hugged me again, and asked simply, "wait, so you didn't just see all my pain and how deep it runs?" - "No." I said, "I saw love and I felt love." I was struck immediately, in that moment, by how we really do see ourselves reflected in the eyes of another. How our shadows are to embraced, fully, even if we wish that were not the case. It is a healing practice -- to sit in silence with another, making eye contact. It is also healing and essential (I would say) to give yourself permission to know and embrace your shadow. It is easier to embrace the light, but the shadow within provides space for the light to shine brighter, so why ignore it!?
May you always remember, the divine light within me, honors the divine light within you. Peace and Love, always.
If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies,
I have a shirt that says just that - If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how very different our ideals of beauty would be - (anonymous). -- it is one that I have worn to many a yoga class that I have attended and taught. It is my wish for humanity... I believe it could heal so many, as we would come to know each other from a space of unattached, deep love for the other's radiant soul and in turn, we would come to know and love the radiant light energy that is our soul - the place in us, where the universe resides. So that is my wish and here is one of many a story ...
Over the past few years, but really the past year and a half, I have embarked on the healing, but not always easy or pain free journey of introspection and deep self-reflection. I have come during this time to face past traumas, to forgive others and myself, to let go, to cry, to laugh, to embrace my shadow and my light, and most importantly to know and absolutely love my Soul, my Essence, the cosmos that resides within me. The more I came to love myself, the deeper my love for the world became, as I allowed myself to feel the energy of love that literally moves through the Earth and each and everyone of us. Whether we tune into its beauty or not, the vibrational energy of love moves around us and within us, it is the higher power -- you and I, we are made of this great force - Love.
As I came to embrace this, I found that I could breathe easier, sleep better and stand in my truth, in complete vulnerability, unabashedly - knowing that I am imperfectly perfect. And as I watched the sun rise over the Joshua trees last week- I felt my breath move through me, like light energy filling my body and then I let it out into the world feeling as though, I too, like the sun were rising ... my soul waking anew from a long slumber. As I moved through the sacred space that is the Joshua tree desert, during the Bhakti Festival (West), I met many a person, whose light radiated so brightly, whose heart beat so fiercely with soul love -- that it was absolutely undeniable, Our eyes were seeing each other's souls -- the beauty we were witnessing (and experiencing) came forth from within.
And so the connections made are deep and true because they are that of the soul and the love felt is a true honoring of the soul of another. When I looked into the eyes of those around me, I saw:
ૐbeauty and pain
ૐlove and sorrow
ૐforgiveness and a want to be forgiven
ૐpeace and exhaustion
ૐ respect and understanding
... most of all - I saw:
ૐradiant light- and I saw the love that is my soul energy reflected back at me.
And so I say to you, as we said to each other - Namaste -
- "I bow to the God within you"
- "the light, the Divine, and the beauty in me acknowledges and bows to the light, the Divine and the beauty within you."
ૐ "My soul honors your soul. I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides. I honor the light, love, truth, beauty and peace within you, because it is also within me. In sharing these things we are united, we are the same, we are one."
This word always held deep meaning for me, but now it holds a new level of understanding, as it is no longer a beautiful word with an even more beautiful meaning - now it is (also) a feeling; a sacred offering to another, the honoring of one's soul; and a true understanding of connection that is felt in the energies of the soul as nothing short of radiant love and light. <3 Peace, love and light to all.
-- I included a short slideshow of photos above, as well because in the images I am was fortunate enough to be able to capture I feel that same soul awakening that I wrote of as I watched the sun rise over the Joshua tree. The energy within the photos cannot be adequately described through text, as it is to be felt - by the heart and the soul. What radiant beauty... ૐ
As I watched the plane I was on lower from the sky... tarmac coming into view - I felt a great sense of joy, as I now have the opportunity to share teachings and experiences had with those here in Massachusetts, I also felt a deep sense of longing to be back in the desert. To feel the heat of the sun's radiant light shining down on me, to be surrounded by and in a community of love, friendship, and understanding. I turned my phone from airplane mode to on and found myself pleasantly surprised to see so many messages had come in since I the plane took off in San Francisco. The one that caught my attention most in the moment was an audio message of song from a dear friend I nicknamed: Bhakti Bobby.
As I listened to his voice, as his singing and words touched my soul, the longing I felt for the desert strengthened. Tears welled up in my eyes and I wished so much so for another moment's chance to be able to express to all those there who touched me dearly, just how significant their impact was on my desert journey. I wished that I could share how deeply meaningful it was to be able to experience and witness the divine beauty of their soul, to experience Bhakti Fest in a true state of Being, not of Doing with them. I texted Bobby to express my longing... and he replied simply, " You have nothing to miss, for the desert is within you. " I carry those words with me now, as I move through the world.
As I breathe in the crisp air of a New England autumn. I breathe in peace, knowing that the energy shared is never lost, for our souls know no distance, know no time... they exist in the most pure state of Being and with that power, we are always together and the desert is always with me and I with it. Thank you beautiful souls for touching my life's story, until we meet in person again, Namaste -- The divine light in me, honors the divine light in you and when we are in this place - We are One.
My final night in California (for now...) was spent in the desert, under the stars - in reflection. Sharing in experiences from the week had and in life's journey ... as our soul writes its story during its time in our body now -- this temporary vessel ... what story are you writing?
... here is my stream of conscious thought that came to me once on the plane in Palm Springs, California to travel home to the Massachusetts area until the next festival <3
Yes, it is incomplete, but there is something beautiful in that to me... so incomplete it will remain.
And there I was in the desert ... feet sandy, mind, body and spirit one with the great Mother Earth. I breathe in and breathe out. Each inhale full of love for the Earth, for shared energy of the higher power within each and everyone of us and for the journeys that my soul has traversed prior to it's time in my body - this temporary vessel. The sun rises and I inhale deeply, closing my eyes, tuning into the energy of the breath as it travels down my lungs and into my whole body. Holding the inhale for a moment, I feel the power of love, as it literally fills my whole body, as it is my Being, Our true essence - Love. I let it all go on the exhale, breathing the energy of peace, love and light into the world around me. The sun radiates above the cacti now, above the Joshua trees. The warmth held in its rays assures me that the energy of love, the energy of love and peace will rise, always from the shadows, from the light, as it is always within and around us.
For the past ten months, I have had the absolute privilege to be a part of the lives of two boys, ages 6 and 3. The younger one, I nicknamed Brave King James. I originally did this to remind him of his strength and bravery, at times when he was unsure of his ability to try something new or step outside of his comfort zone. Now, Mr. Brave King James, without even meaning to has become one my greatest teachers (over the course of the past year) - reminding me each day that we get together, that he is "my Brave King James" -- upon hearing these words and seeing his confident smile I am reminded that I too am strong, even when I falter and to breathe easy with this knowledge.
A few short months before I met, Mr. Brave King James, he had been diagnosed with Doose syndrome. He was only two and a half years old when the diagnosis came so to him, a life of medication and occasional trips to the Boston Children's Office (hospital) have become the norm. Does he like being a patient? No, not really, but who would?! He does though, approach the situation with a hesitant smile, knowing that he is surrounded by those that love him dearly. This strong young kiddo has kept me smiling when dynamics in my life felt unsettled or sad. It has been nothing short of a gift to be able to witness him blossom into the dynamic personality and energetic boy that he is. At first, saying "No, Emily, I can't do that!" to "Hey, Emily, watch me do this!!" (sometimes, I wonder if I empowered him too much as he now shimmies up the rope "spider web" ladder structure at the local playground, fearless and proud) - he truly is a very Brave King James. To watch him grow, take chances and gain confidence in himself demonstrates to me the importance of remembering that within each of us lives a Brave King or Brave Queen -- we just have to let go of doubt and trust in our true self.
To stay in one location and not move frequently, to allow my mind to still, to let love in, and to trust that I truly can create beauty in my life takes strength for me -- I really do have to channel my own Brave Queen Emily. And I recently did just this! I made the decision to stay in Massachusetts to live, instead of moving away from many people who I love and who love me deeply in return, from an area I love, from new connections and from dreams that are beginning to turn into realities. Taking more than one deep breath, talking with my father, sitting in meditation and moving through meditative practice on the yoga mat, as well as, listening to Brave King James triumphantly exclaim that he is -- Brave King James! -- helped empower me to listen to my heart, to trust my soul and to let go of fear -- to stay instead of run. As Marianne Williamson once said:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
So, I say thank you to Mr. Brave King James - for trusting me to keep you safe, to guide you in the right way and to care for you in the way of love. Thank you to Brave King James's parents, for trusting me and welcoming me into their home with open arms and for letting me love your children, as if they are my own. Thank you to his brother, one of the coolest dudes I know, for letting me in to your life to share in adventure and wonder with you.
Thank you to my father, who has always been a smooth stone in the water for me, even when it got rough. Conversations with you are grounding, introspective and reassuring, reminding me of the beautiful light that truly does shine within each and everyone of us, including my Brave Queen self (when I forget).
Thank you to my mother, whose unconditional and selfless love provided a strong foundation of trust and security for me, especially as I began to take on the world on my own. Conversations with you are real and true, allowing me space to explore the good moments and hardships of growing up.
Mom and Dad, your love inspires me -- radiating bright, filling even the darkest day with sunshine.
Love, it is what we all seek -- to be accepted for who we are, as we are, flaws and all, imperfectly perfect in our right. To know this love is the greatest gift.
May you all know this love, especially in the way of love for self, love for the Brave King or Brave Queen that you are. The light that shines within is there to shine bright.
When Brave King James, questions his strength or feels frustrated, which of course still happens, I ask him if he is breathing... of course he is, naturally, to be alive. But is he aware of how!? When he is scared, nervous or frustrated, his breath becomes shallow, his body tenses - the same takes place in us, as adults. After asking Brave King James if he is breathing, I ask him if his body is calm and then sometimes, before a response comes - I let him know that we are going to breathe together and then we will both have calm bodies. To this, he smiles, melting my heart instantly. And together, we Breathe. Inhaling slowly and exhaling slowly. His little body relaxing right before my eyes. Sometimes, as we do this, we touch foreheads - Brave King James, once said that it is "to make sure that our third eye breathes too". ... Kiddos really do say the darnedest things. ૐ
We all breathe, we must to survive, but do we always breathe into our strength - I know we do not and that is OK. We can return to the breath, when we falter, when we doubt ourselves, or become fearful - we can breathe into our light shining within.
From the moment I met Brave King James, he stole a piece of my heart and has continued to do so over the past several months. I will forever be thankful that our paths crossed, that he and his family came into my life and I into theirs and am grateful that when one role ends, the connections made do not. To Brave King James and his cool dude older brother, in the words of A.A. Milne, words spoken to Winnie the Pooh by Christopher Robin:
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
Children may be our greatest teachers, viewing the world as is, with a deep curiosity - always wanting to experience more and understand why things are as they are. If you want to know love, hold a child in your arms, they have yet to learn to judge another, to feel as though they are less than another, they embrace differences as a new adventure instead of something to fear... they are totally honest and true.
Thank you Brave King James - thank you for stealing a piece of my heart.
A spiritual being on a physical journey, striving to make a positive impact on this world through my actions and loving intention. I believe that we are all capable of greatness, it is how we channel this great energy that matters... I choose to express it in the name of -- peace and love.