I see you, but you do not see me, for you are not at home in your own body at the moment, you are not with me as I breathe into the energy of Now. I can see it in your eyes. You are, standing in front of me and yet worlds away. But I do feel you, all the while – the love that you are and that you have for me. I want you to know it fills my heart with joy and wonder.
And yet - Where are you? – I wonder. What are the thoughts moving through your mind? Your eyes tell such a story - letting me in to the longing of your soul as it searches to understand where you are, who I am and what is taking place.
You do not always remember me and I do not ask you to. Honestly, I do not need you to (remember me) for the love that you are to be shared with me. When you do (remember who I am) though, I tell you, from the bottom of my heart, there are not words filled with love, deep enough, for me to express how much it warms my heart. For in those moments, when I see you – I see that you are home, in your body –
Body, Mind and Soul – connected.
You smile and that is all I need – to carry the image of your mischievous and loving grin with me, always. I want you to know - it is your radiant smile, which brightens the moments that are hard to see you “at home”, (moments where your body is present, your soul is felt all around us, and your mind – is it searching?). These are the moments when I see you and I see that you are “not home” in your body. I feel that you too are searching for understanding in these moments. And that is OK. Do what you need to do to be at peace and in a space of love.
I hope and pray that you know that - We are with you, loving you along the way, loving you always, unconditionally and true.
Quick side note: I am not engaged, nor seeing anyone. The ring is a gift from my grandmother. It fits my ring finger so that is where it is. I figured, I love her and I love myself, So why not wear the ring in celebration of that?! ... Love. ૐ
You then - take my hand, even before you have come to recognize who I am. Holding on tight, you bring soft tears of love to my eyes. Your skin is soft and smooth and the smile I love so spans across your face. Whether you remember me or not, I love you and I know you love me. I can feel it, your love, without any words spoken.
Now I must stand up so I can unpack your clothing. You know we brought a whole new wardrobe with us for you? I wonder what you will think as I rotate out the clothing you have in your room now and move other clothing of yours in… You don’t want to let go of my hand, preparing to stand and follow me, as I move. I tell you I am not going anywhere, leaning in I kiss you on the cheek and that smile I cherish so returns. You continue to hold your dear wife’s hand tightly, lovingly.
I pause to take it all in – the love that you are and that surrounds the three of us now. In the pause I make sure to intentionally and consciously breathe in and out – sealing the moment in my mind’s eye with the sweet energy of the breath moving through me and out into the world anew.
LOVE. It fills the room.
You are saying much and yet to my ears it makes no legitimate sense, but to my heart it is a story of a life well lived in love and joy. And so I begin to unpack your clothes now. I wonder how closely you are watching my actions. I see that the next shirt in the suitcase is a warm flannel from your hunting days. I pull it out and hold it up for you to see. I smile brightly and get ready to excitedly proclaim, “well isn’t this shirt something!?” … But before I am able, you are back at home – mind-body-soul connected … the biggest smile comes across your face as you tell me “Oh my! I should go hunting! Where is Thor?”. I have never gone hunting with you, nor shot a gun before, but I know that hunting and shooting were passions of yours and one shirt – even if only for a moment’s time – it has brought you home, connected and here with yourself and with us. What warms my heart the most is how delighted you not only look, but also are, as you beam with pride, reminiscing on the good old days. I wish to know more about your hunting days. What I do know is that they were wonderful and that is good enough for me.
Your speech becomes incoherent once again, but boy do you find much of what you are saying to be funny. I love that – how you make yourself laugh – it’s a real gift you know to be able to do that.
I continue to unpack and move things in and out for you. You continue to sip ginger ale and hold her hand sweetly.
I come across a sharp looking Timberland sweater and tell you how handsome you are – how lucky I am to be your granddaughter – how much I love you. I cannot understand much of what you say in response, but the sweater has triggered yet another memory. I make out three words: “fun, Mark, party”. Perhaps you wore this sweater to a family party? Whatever it is, it makes you smile and your eyes twinkle. One more sweatshirt to fold and put away – it is grey with two loons on it. I have been told that this is one of your favorites and you seem to think it is pretty swell now, too. I hold it up to show it off and you giggle and exclaim, “My! What big beaks they have!” – I have to admit, I cannot help but join you in laughter. I had never thought of the size of the loons’ beaks before, but now I won’t be able to look at that sweatshirt in the same way again. Now it has the memory of a laughter filled moment attached to it. Thank you for this gift. I will treasure it, always.
Each moment may not be easy, but each moment with you is beautiful. You continue to teach me much even as you search for your own understanding of things. I have taught many, for some time now about the gift of living in the moment, but it is you who really made sure I understood it. I now really treasure the good moments, holding them near and dear when things get tough, staying strong in the energy of love, always. Thank you for being my teacher. I must confess, I wondered about a year ago, if I was strong enough… If I knew love deep enough to continue to stand by a loved one’s side, stand by your side honestly, even in the moments when you are not “at home”. I did not visit for a few months. At that time, I could not. I had to work through my own stuff, sort out of the energies within my own mind, so that when I am with you – I am present: Mind – Body – Soul connected. You see, so many people nowadays, choose to disconnect, busying themselves with distractions and schedules too full to manage. I did not want to do that to you and I do not want to ever do that to you or anyone I love. You helped me to fully understand the beauty and the importance in being Present, fully, in the moment, in the Now. Thank you. I love you - We love you.
A spiritual being on a physical journey, striving to make a positive impact on this world through my actions and loving intention. I believe that we are all capable of greatness, it is how we channel this great energy that matters... I choose to express it in the name of -- peace and love.